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Jennifer Lopez is finding “happiness within myself” in the months following her divorce from Ben Affleck.
For her Interview magazine cover story published Wednesday, the multi-hyphenate opened up about her self-esteem journey, surviving in the notoriously difficult entertainment industry and picking herself back up after her “whole … world exploded” in a conversation with comedian and TV host Nikki Glaser.
In the spring, fans and media outlets began speculating that the couple was on the outs following fewer red-carpet appearances together. It was reported the two were no longer living together and in May, Lopez canceled her “This Is Me… Live” tour and announced she was “taking time off to be with her children, family and close friends.”
“I can’t wait to get back out there. I have the most understanding and loving fans in the world. Some fan bases can be spicy. Mine are just a bunch of lovers. I was so devastated to let anybody down, but I just needed to be with my kids and myself and really dig down deep into things that were happening in my life,” Lopez told Glaser.
She continued: “And I’m glad I did, because it was a really difficult time for me. Probably the hardest time of my life, but it was also the best time because I got to do that work on myself.”
Why JLo doesn’t regret split from Ben Affleck
Amid a difficult year, Lopez has “been taking time off” from work aside from promoting her new film “Unstoppable” at the Toronto International Film Festival. In the biopic, she plays real-life wrestler Anthony Robles’ mother, Judy Robles.
Despite her satisfaction with her recent work, including the February release of the album “This is Me… Now,” Lopez said her “whole (expletive) world exploded,” alluding to her breakup with Affleck.
“There’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, ‘Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson,'” Lopez said. “And I hadn’t. I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, ‘How do I not ever let that happen again?'”
Lopez prioritized spending time alone this past summer to “prove to myself that I can do that. If you want something that’s more complete. You have to be good on your own.”
“It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate,” said Lopez of the “hard” solitude. “But when you sit in those feelings and go, ‘These things are not going to kill me,’ it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself.
“Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, ‘No, I’m actually good.'”
Asked if she regrets the “pain” of her recent experiences, Lopez remained adamant “this is exactly where I needed to be, to lead me to where I want to go.”
“That doesn’t mean it didn’t almost take me out for good. It almost did,” Lopez said. “But now, on the other side of it, I think to myself … ‘That is exactly what I needed. Thank you, God. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry that you had to do this to me so many times. I should have learned it two or three times ago.”
Jennifer Lopez says she’s ‘not looking’ for romance after Ben Affleck divorce
Lopez also opened up about her changing views of love in her conversation with Glaser, challenging the maxim, “You have to love yourself before you can let someone else love you.”
“It’s like, ‘Oh, you couldn’t love me if I have flaws. I have to be perfect to be loved.’ That’s not true! Somebody who truly loves you will help you heal those parts of yourself,” Lopez explained. “That’s what I’ve learned about love, that it is a secure thing. You make me feel safe, and when I fall short of the glory, you understand me and you help me to grow to be better, because you have your boundaries and I have my boundaries.”
While Glaser suggested that Lopez has “a new bar for the next person that comes along,” the “Jenny from the Block” singer said she’s “not looking for anybody.”
“For people who are romantics and love being in relationships and want to grow old with somebody, we think, ‘I have to have that to be whole and happy.’ And you don’t,” Lopez said.
